Tuesday, February 24, 2009

You want me to do WHAT God?

Even though I knew that I had put it all at His feet, I still wasn't expecting Him to use me this way. I figured He'd have me give an encouraging word here, a pat on the back there, some prayers with people, maybe even a little scripture reading now and then. And oh yeah, the occasional food item, lovingly prepared in my home by my own 2 hands.

But stand up to the enemy in the heat of battle? Is He kidding? What is He thinking? Does He not know me at all? Doesn't He know that I am weak and fearful? He created me so He should know.

Doesn't He know who they are? Doesn't He know how uncomfortable this makes me? Or that the outcome could be really bad? I mean come on now. Can't He just fix it and make everything better?

But it doesn't work that way, now, does it? It's like praying for patience. How can we become patient people without the irritating issues that help cultivate a patient heart within us, if we are truly willing.

I honestly could identify with several old timers...People of faith (though sometimes a little faith) from the old testament who were used mightily by God, who trusted God with their lives and the outcome of every circumstance.

I related to Daniel when he was commanded by Nebuchadnezzar, his earthly king, to fall down and worship a golden image immediately upon hearing the sound of all kinds of musical instruments. Anyone who did not obey was to be immediately cast into the midst of a furnace of blazing fire. I knew the affinity there because I was asked to agree with lies, deception, and bullying. No, not worship like we think of worship, but when we go with the flow because we are afraid to rock the boat we may as well be worshipping something other than God. Maybe our own egos. (hhmm) Because let's face it, we may not be thrown into a real fiery furnace, but if people gossip about us and keep us on the outside of their circle doesn't it feel the same?

I knew how David felt as Saul was seeking to kill him. No, nobody actually sought to physically kill me, just my good name and reputation, which can have deep effects on a person's mental, emotional and physical health.

I was in the sisterhood with Moses, who stuttered and felt small and unusable. Not to mention the murder he had committed. That made him a wanted man back in his home town. I've sinned. We all have. Don't believe me? Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God..." Yet, even with Moses' history God had a plan to use him to free the chosen people. God's people. I have felt like Moses. I'm a sinner saved by grace. I have a lot of fear at the thought of having to face any giants in my land. (ring a bell?) Most people wouldn't believe that because God has gifted me with boldness and I don't always show my fears outwardly. He has also gifted me with integrity and I knew that He was calling me to be a mouthpiece, to stand up in defense of the people. For the people. They are afraid. Still.

The truth is, God uses us in spite of our weaknesses, fears, and sins, and sometimes because of them, to work out His plan. Obedience comes with a price. But it also comes with great reward. The outcome of my stand has left me unemployed. But I am still employed by God. The worst, what I had feared would happen, did happen. But I rejoice because I know that I was obedient to each moment and put it all before the throne.

Honestly, I don't ever want to again be in a position to say "You want me to do WHAT, God? Are you sure?" But the truth of the matter is that I would do it again if He asked me to. Through all of this He is revealing His strength in and through me. He is revealing His character more and more and showing me what is important to Him, and for me. He is building my character, faith and hope. And He is revealing His plan for my life in regards to where it fits in the big scheme of things.

Until next time...

1 comment:

  1. Hi Kelly,

    Kathey here. I noticed that you are a follower of my blog From My Window. I've just enjoyed reading your entries through Feb. 18, on your blog. I have a feeling that we have a lot in common. I'm wondering how you found my blog and why you decided to be a follower. I hope I hear back from you. ahlstrom@ameritech.net