Thursday, February 19, 2009

Surrender or else

"Have me, Lord; though He slay me, still will I trust Him."

This has been a year of faith and character building. After our youth retreat in August I had a very audible conversation with God and in that conversation I told Him that I wanted to surrender everything to Him. He reminded me that I didn't really know what I was asking for and I (in my so "I know more than you think I do" attitude) told God that maybe that was true but that I knew HE knew what my request encompassed, and that I trusted Him to accomplish His purpose in and for me.

Ever been there? Thinking you know more than God? Well, maybe not exactly in those words but that's what we are saying. We are almost calling His bluff and daring Him to use us and do His will (or His bidding, as we sometimes refer to it-if only in our minds)

Here it is February and I am walking yet again in a valley. It's a valley of what I have referred to as indecision. I am the type of person who can become crippled by the forks in the road. I am constantly acting like Gideon, "Lord, if this is truly from You then give me a sign and let it look like this ____ _____." You fill in the blanks.

I have been like this for far too long and it's time to grow up. Not that asking for direction in the way of a sign is necessarily a bad thing. It's just that it became my crutch, my excuse not to move until I saw the "dew", so to speak. Another term that could describe me is "paralysis by analysis". I can get so caught up in the details that I can't move. It's the old bugs bunny scene where his right arm is pointing left and his left arm is pointing right and he says "which way did he go, which way did he go". Only for me it's which way do I go.

When I had this conversation with God back in August I knew in my heart that He needed me to let go of everything; my pride, my fear, my offenses, my anxiety, my heart, my job, my relationships, my children, my husband, my dreams, my gifts, my talents, my thoughts. And the list goes on. I did not realize how much control I actually had, or wanted in my life, until He asked me to let it go. I would love to say that I have entirely let go. It's not the truth though. We feel out of control if we aren't holding onto something. And I know that in all of this He is telling me to just hold onto Him. I've never really done that before. I've never understood what that looked like played out in "real life" yet I know in my heart that this is where He is taking me.

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own."

I know that in this season of my life I need to surrender or else...or else I will never truly live to His glory in my life. I will never truly be free. I will never be able to understand sacrifice as defined by Him. I will never be able to honor Him fully. I will never be the example and my life will never be the testimony that He desires for it to be. And I will never experience the abundant life that He offers. I have to surrender so that my life can be a limitless blessing to others.

Today I will cultivate a heart of gratitude for the things that I DO have, and not ponder on the things that I DON'T have.

That is my daisy for today.

Until next time...

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