what true peace feels like

I had always wondered what true peace felt like. Now I know...

In this, my 5th day (sorry, I forgot to post yesterday. I know, I know, I need to keep up with it) of my grateful journey and spending intentional time with God, my reading led me to a quote out of Max Lucado's "Come Thirsty". In this quote we are challenged to examine how we respond to the stress producers in our lives. Do we react by worrying, complaining, pondering on the negative thoughts? He describes it as putting all of that into a big vat and turning up the heat, stewing on it, stirring it, moping and brooding about it and creating a delightful pot of pessimism. (yuck)

OR...

Do we cook up a pot of prayer? hhhmmmmm...sounds more delightful than the pot of pessimism.

Do we receive the lordship of Christ in our lives, acknowledging that nothing happens to us that God did not allow. Everything that happens to a Christian is filtered through God's loving hands. Could you imagine if it weren't?!

I know sometimes it doesn't feel like God is anywhere close when bad things happen. When I was diagnosed with cancer I was really upset with God. I remember asking John to go for a car ride. (For some reason driving around aimlessly is really relaxing to me.) Anyway, we stopped at a 7-11 to get drinks. I stayed in the car while John and Michelle went inside and I cried, and cried out to God asking Him why He let this happen. His answer surprised me. He said "I am answering your prayers." I must have looked like a crazy woman because I stopped crying, like someone had turned off a faucet and (out loud mind you) I said "WHAT?! Are You kidding God?! I didn't pray for cancer!!!" And He replied "No, but You prayed to learn to live by faith and not by sight. You asked me to use you to glorify me and show those around you that I do exist and that I am a loving God." He was right. I had asked all of those things however I had reserved the right to tell Him HOW to use me.

I wanted others to know and love God and to be used by Him but like so many of us, I wanted Him to do it without inconveniencing me, or allowing me to be hurt.

What if Jesus had felt that way? What if He had said "I love you guys, but I'm not willing to be put to death for you!! Are you guys crazy?! Man, those whips?! Those nails?! Do you know how bad that'll hurt?! That crown of thorns?! And on top of that having to carry my own cross?! No way!!!"

I'm so grateful that He didn't feel that way. The way I sometimes feel at my interrupted life. I have a long way to go to be like Jesus. But thankfully I have an understanding, patient, loving God who already knows my heart.

I said at the beginning of this post that I knew what true peace felt like. Most of you know that Michelle is in Trinidad on her first mission trip. I am the one parent that everyone would have pegged to be crying and sleepless HOWEVER I know in my heart that she is exactly where she's supposed to be and I have slept well every night (except for the animals wanting to get up at 3 am to go outside) and I have had no worry about her at all. I can't explain it other than the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Today, in my grateful journey I am grateful that Jesus did not feel the way I have felt about being used.

Until next time...

PS...yesterday in my Grateful Journey I posted on my facebook that I was grateful for 26 years with John. It was our anniversary :)