To those who say to you "Aha, aha!"

"I am afflicted and in need...do not delay, O my God".

This morning I woke up a little melancholy. Mostly tired because I drank some coffee last night during bible study, even though I knew better, so I was wide awake from 1:30 am to about 4am, however I was a little blue also. These past few months, though in some ways have been awesome, have also been a tremendous testing ground for my faith and I need to be honest about how difficult it is sometimes to keep on keepin' on.

I think if we all were to be honest, we would admit that walking out our faith can be tiring. It doesn't mean we don't have faith in God, or that we are trying to do things in our own strength. Even the man after God's own heart grew tired at times, and in those times He drew close to His creator, the one who knew him best.

This morning after my walk I went onto the computer to check my e-mails. I get daily devotionals, one of them is from Steve Marr's Business Proverbs. Immediately my eye was drawn to the words of the first sentence of this post. As I usually do, I looked up the chapter that this verse came from and knew right away that God had given me this word (His word) for where I was at in that moment. (Thank you, God, I love you so much. Thank you for loving me so much more).

Anyway, it's from Psalm 40 and the chapter is titled "Faith Persevering in Trial", isn't that so appropriate?! It starts off with "I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me, and heard my cry. He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, (I hear a song or two in there) and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth-praise to our God."

It goes on in verse 10 "I have not hidden Your righteousness within my heart; I have declared Your faithfulness and Your salvation; I have not concealed Your lovingkindness and Your truth from the great assembly. Do not withhold Your tender mercies from me, O Lord; let Your lovingkindness and Your truth continually preserve me. For innumerable evils have surrounded me; my iniquities have overtaken me, so that I am not able to look up...Be pleased, o Lord, to deliver me; O Lord, make haste to help me! Let them be ashamed and brought to mutual confusion who seek to destroy my life; let them be driven backward and brought to dishonor who wish me evil. Let them be confounded because of their shame who say to me "Aha, aha!"

I can so relate to King David right here. I did not keep God's word in my heart. I lived it and spoke it and shared it. Though I am not without sin or fault, I presented all the evidence before the throne of grace and laid it at the feet of the Father and waited for Him to move me, expecting Him to use me for His purposes. It's not easy standing up when everyone else is sitting down. It's not easy being the one to speak up when everyone else wants to, but is too afraid. I cannot watch injustice. And I especially cannot be a party to it.

It goes on to finish with "let all those who seek You rejoice and be glad in You, Let such as love Your salvation say continually 'The Lord be magnified!' But I am poor and needy; yet the Lord thinks upon me. You are my help and my deliverer; Do not delay, O my God."

I really needed this today. It comforts me to know that David felt this way, the same way I feel at times, and yet he was considered a man after God's own heart. It comforts me to know that I am not alone. I woke up with a heavy heart. God is lifting my burden.

Without going into too much, I ran into the gal who fired me yesterday. She came up to me and called me by a short nickname that she had given me when I worked for her and told me that she missed me. If my jaw hadn't been tightened in a purposed smile it would have dropped to the ground. We exchanged hugs and she asked how I was doing. I told her I was doing good and returned the question. Like I said, I am not going to go into anything but I am still confused by it all. How can someone be one way one minute, and another way the next?! Then God brought David and Saul to my mind. (isn't He cool?!) He reminded me that even though Saul sought to kill David, David still loved him, and that I need to do the same. He reminded me that our battle is not against flesh and blood but against the principalities of darkness in the heavenly places.

I need to get to the point in my life where someone's spiritual stability is more important than my feelings, where the place they will spend eternity is a more pressing matter than what ill things they say about me.

Forgiveness isn't optional. It's obedience. Love isn't optional. It's a command.

Until next time...