Friday, May 22, 2009

Majesty in the mundane

It seems that since losing my job my days consist of working in my home. I have wanted a home-based business for a while now. I just didn't expect that my home would be my business. (lol) It's been difficult to transition to being at home and I find myself wondering..well..lot's of things. "Is this God's way of telling me that I'm supposed to be a stay-at-home mom?" "Is this permanent?" "Are you trying to teach me something, God?" "Am I supposed to be learning a craft to try to sell?" OMG, the list goes on. And I don't know if any of you can identify but I can SO get inside my own head and convince myself of all kinds of things.

And there are the days I wonder what I have to get up out of bed for. What's the purpose today??? I was lamenting to my husband that I felt like if it weren't for having to get up and take my daughter to school I wouldn't have a reason to get up. Then he reminded me that I did have a reason...actually 9 of them, the 2 dogs, 3 cats and 4 chickens!!! It's true, these animals follow me around the house everywhere I go. Except for the chickens. They do not roam free in the house HOWEVER when they are outside and I let them out of their cage they follow me. So, now you can add "farm hand" to my ever expanding list of duties at home. Or pied piper, which ever one suits your fancy.

The truth of the matter is I feel like I am in limbo and not sure what to concentrate on. And I get so tired of feeling like Cinderella. I feel like my life has come down to driving my daughter around, doing the dishes, making the bed, feeding the animals, picking up their poop, cleaning the house, yada yada yada. I can get to feeling so lousy about my situation. Ever feel like that?

I walk in the mornings with a couple of friends who have also lost their jobs and they are definitely relating to how I am feeling. And I feel so guilty feeling this way. I have to be honest, I don't always take these thoughts and feelings before Christ and confess them. Maybe because I know what He's going to say and I don't want to hear it. How can everything we go through in life have a lesson in it??? But it does, whether the lesson is for us or someone else, there is always something to learn. This morning as I was commiserating (yet again) about my life I heard God speak to me in His still small voice. He reminded me of His words to do everything as unto the Lord. I have not been doing that. To tell you the truth I have not tried to imagine that anything I do at home for my own family is like doing anything unto the Lord. I have not served them as I would God. I am so ashamed. I have much to be grateful for yet I spend too much time feeling sorry for myself. "I just want to do something that matters and has lasting impact", I tell God. "I want to make a difference." I want, (I need) validation. Ya know what He said? "It matters to Me. You matter to Me. Everything you do matters to Me. Your heart and attitude matter to Me. Your happiness matters to Me. Your sadness matters to Me. You matter. Believe Me, I see. I know. I feel. I've been there. Treat your home and ALL the things you do as if you were doing it for Me. I am there with you. I am all the validation you need."

There is majesty in the mundane.

I cannot promise that I will have a great attitude everyday. I can only promise that I will try and I will be re-directable. Teachable. Humble.

Until next time...

1 comment:

  1. Hi Kelly. Thanks for stopping by and introducing yourself. I like getting to know my readers, and I really appreciate the encouragement.